Don't Need to Know
by Pyroluminescence
Summary: Leaf gets curious about Red and Green's personal life... YAOI, RedxRival, Game-verse. M FOR A REASON.


**Some notes: **This is part of a comic relief/bonus chapter out of a much larger saga and thus contains a lot of references that would only be understood if you knew the entire continuity. But so you're aware-

-Red lost an arm due to Missingno. ...No, seriously.

-Game-verse, so Green and Crystal are referred to as Leaf and Kris.

-I refer to Green/male rival as "Blue" in this fic, from the American games.

-HEAVY sexual content. I feel filthy.

-Some brief mentions of human/Pokemon relations. Nothing serious, just Red being a moron.

-I'm male, so I tend not to include too much emotion in these things, and if I do, it's followed by snark. Sorry!

-The tentacles reference is based off of something that ACTUALLY happened in the manga. Yep. Reference to tentacle hentai in a manga published for kids. Ask me about it sometime.

I uploaded this mostly so lilacbird could read it, so don't take this too seriously, eheh... I don't know when I'll start uploading the rest of the saga, but this is just a filler for something much bigger. ...Erm, enjoy? Also, sorry I can't write for shit. Feel free to review-beta.

* * *

"And what does _Blue _think of your arm?" Leaf pressed.

Red groaned. "...He thinks it's sexy."

Leaf gave him a bit of a grimace. "...That's because he's a _boy_."

At that, Red's head snapped up, and, for a moment, Leaf thought she was in trouble.

...She was. "Hey, are you saying my arm _isn't _sexy?"

Raising her finger to her lips, Leaf paused to think. Red never understood why girls – well, actually, only Leaf, really – had to _pose _when they thought, as if to say to the world, "Hey, look, I'm thinking! I have intellectual capacities and am performing them! I better strike a pose like I'm in some kind of epic battle to let everyone know about it!"

"Well," Leaf finally decided as she gave up her thinking pose, "it's kind of _cool_, I guess. I mean, not everyone you're gonna meet has an arm like that, and with the story behind it, that's one hell of a conversation piece. It's like you're freakin' Edward Elric, or something. ...But it's far from _sexy_. I mean, it's also cool if you had a mini fridge for an arm, but mini fridges aren't sexy."

Red _scowled_. "...You just don't understand, Leaf! Don't you remember when we used to play robots?"

Leaf rolled her eyes, obviously amused by this. "...Yeah, we also used to pretend we were Pokémon, and you don't see me taking baths with my Tentacool, if you know what I-"

"That's not the point!" Red interrupted. ...And then he paused to think about that. "...And if you were into tentacles, you have a Venusaur who loves you, so wouldn't that be the more obvious choice?"

"...Red, you're nineteen. We should _not _be having this conversation, and you should _not _be completely missing my point because I also said something nasty. ...But, yeah, I guess it would, _if _I were into tentacles."

Pikachu glared at the both of them. Red resisted the urge to grin – yeah, like any of _their _Pokémon would lower themselves by copulating with an inferior species. There was a reason people and Pokémon were genetically incapable of breeding, and the reason was that people just plain _stunk_.

Red flexed his arm again, grinning at his glaring Pikachu. "Hey, buddy. You think my arm's pretty awesome, huh?"

Pikachu shrugged and curled back up, clearly uninterested. Red didn't blame him; to Pikachu, an arm was an arm. ...Fella didn't know what he was missing out on. Freaking _mechanical arm_.

"So, Mr. Expert On Sexy, how exactly does one find a mechanical arm _sexy_?"

Red _sighed_. "You wouldn't understand!"

...And we wasn't about to tell her about any of the highly inappropriate things he and Blue had gotten up to with said mechanical arm that made having it all the more incredibly sexy (which was pretty hard, considering it was a freaking _robot arm_).

"You're absolutely right. Still, I had to ask. Maybe you felt like trying to explain it to me in terms I can understand." Leaf frowned, seeming to think of something (and without posing, at that). "...Wait, have you ever used the arm to...?"

"Yeah." Goddamn it, _why _did he tell her that?

"Euuuuugh!" was Leaf's articulate response. She wrinkled her nose. "That should _not _happen outside of bad Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction!"

"W-Well, the artificial nerves are really sensitive where they connect, okay? And if something feels good with no consequence, I'm gonna do it!" Red defended, finishing his statement with a small snort.

Leaf just stared at him.

"...What?"

She shook her head. "...Y'know, you two have been together for almost five years with no sign of relationship trouble, and will probably be together until the end of time, crazy terrorist syndicates and Diagla providing, and I _still _can't imagine how you two are in bed."

"Well, it's none of your _business _to know!" retorted Red. ...Not that his first instinct wasn't to immediately boast boast about his incredibly awesome sex life like another man would in a crude daytime parody of male behavior, because it _was, _and that was probably Blue's fault.

"Well, I'm curious. Don't you ever wonder about _me?_"

"No," Red lied, but he'd answered too fast. Leaf raised an eyebrow. ...Oh, yeah, because he was going to tell her about every time he'd all but forgotten the sibling-like bond between them when he _really _needed a non-Blue mental image to get off to. A mental image usually involving him or Kris (or both) slurping all over her tits while she played with herself. Yeah, she really needed to know that. ...Hey, it wasn't _his _fault. ...Completely. She just had body parts he was naturally attracted to and that his boyfriend did _not_ have. ...He also used to have the libido of a rock and all the sexual aggression of a newborn kitten unless his hormones felt like kicking in about once a month (Leaf referred to it as his "man-period"), and that ever changing was totally, completely, and undeniably Blue's stupid fault.

"Eh, I just want to know," Leaf said with a shrug, probably having guessed, and having been totally cool with the fact that Red had fantasized about porking her on more than one occasion.

"...Well, what am I supposed to tell you?" Red muttered in response.

Leaf shrugged. "Anything."

That helped.

There was any number of things he could have told her. ...Like how being with another male had its perks, and while the words "limited amounts of penetrative sex" wouldn't normally appeal to, well, _anyone _with a sex drive, Red _liked _how exclusive and intimate it felt when he and Blue _did _crack open the lube. Or how, whenever he was on the bottom, since Blue was un/lucky enough to be particularly well-endowed, Blue would always go the extra length (pun not intended) to make sure he was comfortable. ...Though these days, he rarely needed Blue to do more than lube up his dick and stick it in, it always felt nice when Blue had to make _sure _he was ready with his fingers, and even nicer when Blue would relax and take things slow for himself to give him a good experience.

He could tell her about how Blue would often wait _forever _to thrust once he was inside him – if he ever did at all. Often, he'd just rock into him, over and over, driving him crazy until it suddenly felt _incredible _in ways he couldn't experience any other way, getting at erogenous zones that were otherwise only stimulated by some careful finger work. ...Oh, sure, it _sounded _like something a woman would like, all gentle and sensual, and he was tempted on more than one occasion to remind Blue that he was capable of handling, you know, _sex_, until it felt so damn good that he felt like he _couldn't _handle it. And _that _was nice enough on its own, but it was even better added to the fact that Blue was always wrapped up tightly in his arms, panting softly in his ear, grinding their bodies closer together with every slight moment and making _sure _Red knew he was enjoying this just as much as he was.

...Or, if Red was in the mood, he'd make it his personal mission to drive his former(?) rival _crazy_. No matter whether he was receiving or giving, Blue was always a wuss (except Red couldn't call him a wuss, because Blue was convinced he was some kind of serious badass), so Red liked to frustrate the hell out of him.

One of his favorite ways was, when Blue was going at him from behind, to, soon as he knew Blue was close, pull away and deny him, then clamp his legs shut _tight _so Blue would have to _fight _him if he wanted relief. Blue never just gave up and jerked off, and he was _never _a wuss once Red did that. It always seemed to bring out something very primal in the guy, and once he forced Red's legs apart, he didn't even give Red time to adjust again before _pounding _at him in a way that very clearly demonstrated just _who _was in charge. Red had to be on his stomach for this; otherwise, it _hurt_. Blue would _always _growl in ways he just _couldn't _otherwise, often grabbing his hips and _yanking _Red closer. Sometimes he'd smack his ass. One particularly memorable time, he bit into Red's shoulder before pinning his wrists above his head and told him he wasn't _allowed _to touch himself until he begged. And the world-renowned, legendary Trainer _begged _like a bitch_. _Afterward, his partner would always spoon him close and tell him he was _so glad _he felt safe enough with him where they could do things like that. Red told him he didn't know the half of it; if Blue did just about _anything_, he'd still feel more safe and protected than ever.

But Blue loved being the "catcher", too. Red wasn't exactly packing anything incredible in his trousers – hell, he was _barely _average-sized, and that was probably impressive for someone who was only five-six – but that just gave him advantages on top that Blue didn't have. Red could never raise his legs, since doing so let Blue in a little _too _deep, and it took practice just to be able to wrap them around Blue. Deep penetration _felt _good. ...Until something was hit that shouldn't be hit. _Ow_. ...But Blue never had that problem. He took him deep, and he _liked _it. ...Of course, Blue wasn't perfect, and he could never just _relax. _While Red, as of a year ago, just required lube and a penis, it still took forever to get Blue to the point where he could accept penetration, and even then, they had to start slow. ...But once they heated up, they _heated up_.

Blue had said a few times that he preferred taking the submissive role, and Red understood completely. They had supposed, if they were gay, they'd both identify as "bottoms", though it was kind of pointless to say as much when neither were thrilled with the idea of having sex with a man who wasn't the other and neither had any problem switching it up. There was the control issue, too. Red had bought into the "gay" stereotype at first, but he'd discovered on his own that the "bottom" role offered the most control. Whoever was bottom always called the shots, and being the "aggressor" really only meant he was Blue's bitch. Not to mention, it felt pretty incredible, willingly putting yourself in that sort of position, just _trusting _the other to do the right thing, sometimes being completely dependent on them, and knowing they were enjoying themselves because you _gave _your body to them... Red loved just the idea that Blue was _inside _him – it still made him squirm to think about. ...Yeah, Leaf didn't need to know that. Like he needed to give her another weapon against the few remaining shreds of his masculinity.

But Blue... Well, he seemed to share the same sentiments. No matter how many times they'd done the same thing before, Blue would gasp _every time _Red entered him, like the feeling was always a pleasant surprise. Sometimes, he didn't even have to do that much. Since they didn't always feel like going through a lengthy before-and-after process (there was _nothing _sexy about wiping your penis off or removing a condom), sometimes Red would just stop at fingering him. It didn't matter – it was a very erogenous area for Blue, and there was just something so incredibly _sexy _about watching Blue's face scrunch up and hands twist in the sheets just from having a couple fingers stuck up his butt. Sometimes, his leg would spasm and kick out of reflex, which was a reaction he couldn't even _help_. And if Blue felt adventurous, sometimes he'd slip one of his own fingers in as well, and there was something so deeply intimate about feeling their fingers together like that...

And if anyone _ever _asked him how it felt when he _was _inside Blue, he wouldn't know where to begin. Unless someone had felt it themselves, they couldn't understand how it was when he could feel every single involuntary movement Blue made, or every time he moved even the slightest bit, even _breathed _hard enough... They were physically connected in the most intimate way, and having very sensitive nerve endings _inside Blue's body _made it so he could feel just about everything in ways that made his head spin. He couldn't explain how it felt, while all this was happening, to just watch Blue's _face _every time he moved, or to _listen_ to him. Blue was vocal, and Red, having watched his fair share of porn, knew exactly why that didn't sound like such a good thing. It sounded fake, obnoxious, and rude. ...Except when it didn't. Blue was just so damn _sexy_, especially when he got embarrassed about it, like he really didn't like how he couldn't help his volume. Most of the time, it'd be Red's own name, and that always struck a chord in him – like Blue could _never _forget who he was with and that it was _because _he was with who he was that he felt so good.

Blue was a good talker, too. If Red did something Blue found especially sexy, Red would hear about it. Hearing Blue prattle on about the various sexy expressions he'd made really gave Red a boost. Evidently, he didn't even need to open his mouth during sex – the way he looked at Blue spoke volumes. And as a rule, Red never liked curse words. ...Until Blue was whispering them – the really dirty ones – in his ear. It sounded crude, Red knew, and if he ever needed a quick laugh, he'd pop in a porn flick and turn the volume on so he could hear the ridiculous dialogue. ...But Blue was not a porno, and it was freakin' hot. He didn't know how the guy did it, but wherever Blue had picked up his talent for talking dirty, it hadn't been from observation.

Red could have told Leaf about their various pornographic misadventures. He may have been jumping into bed with a male partner, but Red always thought he more strongly preferred women. Blue was the same. And so, there was little that was more frustrating than being turned on by a voluptuous brunette squeezing and massaging her breasts then coming to realize he was in a monogamous relationship with someone who didn't have any. Still, both of them thought watching porn with each other was pretty hot, and they had similar tastes – trashy lesbian flicks involving lots of boob-fun and toys. Yeah, it was awful and fake, but what did he care? When there were two women onscreen, sensually fondling each other before one of them stepped back and spread her legs to slowly lower herself onto a dildo (with plenty of close-ups, of course), he could care less. He was looking at a goddamned _vagina _and he wanted to stick his dick in it.

While they were harder to come by (or, rather, harder to purchase without nervously fidgeting for about ten hours), the two of them did enjoy some of the videos involving women and their Pokémon. ...Absolutely, positively something no one besides Blue needed to know at any time, for any reason, anywhere, ever. ...He knew it wasn't as fake, since the Pokémon weren't _pretending _to love their Trainers, and there was a certain taboo that really appealed to them. ...Yeah, it was disgusting and wrong, and it was something that would _stay _between him and Blue, but he _liked _it, and so what? Everyone onscreen was obviously enjoying themselves, so why shouldn't he? His favorite – and also Blue's – was a series of home videos a woman made of her, her Houndoom, and her Swampert. It just seemed so... Raw and passionate, he supposed. Primal. ...And, yeah, maybe he'd admit he found a woman being pounded by her Houndoom sexy. ...After several hours of vigorous torture, and if his life were _definitely _threatened.

There was very little man-on-man they could watch together without getting bored, but sometimes they settled, if only because they both knew being turned on by body parts they could never access was only going to frustrate them, and neither wanted _anything _coming between them. Plus, watching porn together was pretty sexy, in its own way. Red could never do it alone; he felt like some kind of lonely pervert, and if he ever had time away from work (wanking in the lab was very much frowned upon, as was using research computers for smut), it was spent with Blue. That, and knowing Blue was getting a hard-on and feeling it against stick his ass while sitting on Blue's lap were _very _different. Even if he wasn't the one doing it, Red loved watching his partner become aroused; feeling it was just that much better. If that happened, Blue would make sure Red could feel it, not because he was a filthy pervert (which he was), but to make sure Red _knew _that was for him.

There were all sorts of things Blue did like that. "Accidentally" spilling his drink on himself, and then slowly taking off his shirt, for one. Sneaking euphemisms into innocent sentences. Deliberately letting his breath linger on Red's ear and neck when he leaned in to tell him something. And there were sweet things, like holding his hand under the table and playing with his fingers when they were out with friends, so no one had to see Blue be affectionate (god forbid), or sneaking into the bathroom while he was showering to jump in and massage his scalp and shoulders. Sometimes he wondered if Blue thought he was his _wife_. And then there were the intimate-sexy things, like whenever he kissed Red's fingers, he sucked on them a little – something Red had taught him (though hadn't intended to). Blue would always do his best to look Red in the eye whenever his mouth was pleasuring Red (ahem), making Red wonder how the hell people could turn oral sex into something crude and tawdry (yet another reason he hated straight porn). He couldn't think that at all; the act connected them and broke boundaries. When one was working that hard to please the other in such an incredibly intimate way, it was hard for him not to feel like his heart was going to burst.

He supposed to anyone else, what he and Blue did behind closed doors was pretty vanilla. Boring, even. They didn't really have any kinks, aside from the biting, dominance battles and occasionally tying or holding each others wrists back. ...Well, Blue had actually made Red scream once when he'd twisted his nipple _really fucking hard _and it hurt so good Red felt like he was going to come on the spot, but that didn't really count, did it?

...Yeah, they were boring. But not to him, and not to Blue. He'd lost his virginity to Blue at fifteen (and vice-versa), and despite being young, he'd never regretted it. He'd known since before he was fifteen that he'd never be spending his life with anyone else, so why wait? Since then, his body and mind, and thus his feelings for Blue, had only grown.

They'd worked hard to get to where they were – emotionally, mentally, sexually... Particularly the last one. There were several cringe-worthy stories about how they'd been reminded of the _natural _function the orifice they stuck their bits in served, and that using the toilet and washing up beforehand was always a good idea now matter _how _clean they felt. Slightly less disgusting, they'd learned that foreplay and personal technique made everything a lot better. More disgusting, but still not as disgusting as... er, you know, they'd learned that drunken sex often really wasn't the best idea ever, particularly if one had to stumble to the toilet to puke midway through. They'd hurt each other, taken risks, sometimes practically burst every capillary in each other's neck, and they'd stopped using condoms entirely several years ago (Red remembered their first time without one especially well).

They were just them, and they enjoyed themselves, and they loved each other. Making love to Blue (jeez, that was such a girly term...) wasn't a process that ever ended. It was something he did all day, every day of his life. He'd never marry the guy (well, okay, maybe if Blue wanted to, but Blue didn't want to, so never!), but he fully intended to spend the rest of his life with him. They were still best friends, rivals, and Trainers years after realizing their feelings for each other. There were some things that still infuriated the hell out of the both of them, still kicks and punches thrown, and some times where he felt like he _could not stand another second _of his partner. ...Yet, here they were. In order to properly explain their sex life, Red would have to properly explain just how damn much he loved Blue, someone who'd saved his life and made him learn to love himself when he thought he had nothing left, and that was something only they could ever understand. They had each other, they had good sex (usually), and the boring, intimate details of their one-in-a-billion relationship were none of anyone's business, least of all Leaf's.

...Who was now staring at him confusedly as he realized he'd spent somewhere between ten and thirty minutes in a place far away from planet Earth, thinking about his and Blue's personal life.

"...Uhm, Red?"

He swallowed, then cleared his throat. "...It's, uh... Good," he finally answered.

Leaf raised an eyebrow in scrutiny. "...Red, you're hard."

"...Shut up," Red grumbled, crossing his legs and cursing the flush developing on his face and neck. He thanked a gracious and merciful God that Blue was not here to look at him and laugh his ass off.

Pikachu sighed and shook his head, then jumped down from his Trainer's shoulder, pretending he hadn't heard a thing.

* * *

Errr... I am SO sorry. :scurries away: GOD DAMN IT.


End file.
